Same-Gender Marriage in South Dakota: Items to Consider

The following information has been adapted from information developed by the Eastern Washington-Idaho and Montana synods.

Like many other states, South Dakota may be entering a period of transition in terms of the legality of same-sex marriage. Congregations and pastors are strongly encouraged to be in conversation. Many states are further along than South Dakota in terms of living into an era in which same-sex marriage is legal. We can learn from their experiences about how to graciously, faithfully and compassionately respond to the changing environment around us.

Observations

1. The social statement Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust, adopted by the 2009 Churchwide Assembly, states: “Marriage is a covenant of mutual promises, commitment, and hope authorized legally by the state and blessed by God. The historic Christian tradition and the Lutheran Confessions have recognized marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman, reflecting Mark 10:6-9…” (Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust, p. 15)
2. The social statement also acknowledges that consensus does not exist in this church concerning how to regard same-gender committed relationships. It describes four stances held with conviction and integrity by members of the ELCA. (Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust, p. 20).
3. The 2009 Churchwide Assembly adopted actions on ministry policies, including the following: “Resolved, that the ELCA commit itself to finding ways to allow congregations that choose to do so to recognize, support, and hold accountable lifelong, monogamous, same-gender relationships.”
4. The ELCA does not have a rite or liturgy for marriage, blessing, or union of same-gender persons.
5. Ordained ministers in congregations have authority to marry as part of their calls, when authorized by state law, but Churchwide policy does not determine whom a pastor may marry. Congregations are entrusted with the decision of whether and how to recognize, support, and hold accountable same-gender relationships. The decision should be addressed prayerfully in the context of the congregation’s ministry. Consultation among congregational leaders and the synodical bishop is appropriate as needed.
6. Actions taken in 2009 to permit gay pastors to enter into lifelong, publicly accountable, monogamous relationships ask that such persons seek the highest public recognition available to them in their place of residency. In many jurisdictions, this recognition is now “marriage” as defined by law.

Lutherans and weddings

1. There is often confusion about the role of pastors in their legal role as officiants and signatories of marriage documents on behalf of the state. “In reality, in the formal and legal making of the marriage, the pastor…functions as a magistrate for the state.” (“Marriage,” Chapter Nine in “The Christian Life: Baptism and Life Passages; Using Evangelical Lutheran Worship, Vol. 2. Dennis Bushkofsky and Craig Satterlee, Augsburg Fortress, 2008, p. 188.)
2. So, in what sense do Lutheran pastors “do” weddings? The parties, in their exchange of promises, bind themselves to one another and create the civil marriage contract. “The proclamation of the word of God and the prayer for God’s blessing on the couple and their household are considered the universal Christian additions to the human process of marriage. By this nuptial blessing, the church acknowledges the union ‘in Christ’ of husband and wife. The church’s essential role in marriage is defined by this blessing. The church neither marries people nor determines whether they can be married; these are functions of the state, though often carried out by representatives of the church. The church proclaims God’s unconditional love and faithfulness and asks God to bless this couple in their life together.” (“Marriage” above, p. 187.)
3. Some Lutherans observe an older tradition whereby the action of affecting a marriage contract is done before civil authorities and then the marriage party comes to the church for congregational support, prayer, and a form of blessing that invokes God’s support for the marriage. (Prayer and Blessing after a Civil Marriage, “Evangelical Lutheran Worship, Occasional Services for the Assembly,” Augsburg Fortress, 2009, p. 373.)

Congregational wedding policies

1. Congregations regularly employ “Wedding Policy” documents that assist the congregation and pastor in determining for whom and how and when weddings are done in the congregation. These are usually documents drawn up with the pastor’s standards and preferences embedded and are sometimes reviewed by the congregation council.
2. These policies often express guidelines or firm policy decisions concerning who may be married in the building; under what conditions (fees; premarital counseling, etc); cooperation with a “wedding coordinator,” building use, reception protocols; alcohol policy; catering; security deposits, cleaning fees and other matters.
3. Such a policy may require congregational approval but most often does not.
4. It is rare for such policies to set standards for the pastor to observe if the church property is not involved. Most pastors regard decisions concerning marriage requests off church property and on non-church time to be decisions they make for themselves. Pastors generally record in the congregation’s records only those pastoral acts that are consistent with that congregation’s constitution and policies.

Going forward

1. Some South Dakota Synod congregations may desire to make hosting same gender marriage ceremonies an explicit provision of their mission.
2. Some South Dakota Synod congregations may choose to adopt a policy that prohibits same-gender wedding ceremonies.
3. Other South Dakota Synod congregations might be willing to allow same gender weddings but don’t want to make it a big deal or be identified with either of the more polar positions.

What are a congregation’s options?

1. Wait until a request for a same-gender wedding comes to the congregation, and then consider each request on a case-by-case basis.
2. Welcome each request on the basis of standards already in practice (i.e. the pastor usually decides whether to take a wedding based on interest, time available, counseling needs and whether it is a member or a nonmember requesting the service.)
3. Consider including one of the following statements in the congregation’s wedding policy:

• “The religious convictions of this congregation lead us to believe that a marriage is between a man and a woman. This congregation does not host marriage ceremonies other than for a man and a woman, and then only according to the standards included in this policy.”
• “This congregation will recognize gay marriage promises made elsewhere and offer recognition, support and accountability for the couple.”
• “This congregation welcomes requests from all persons who desire to be married here. Each request will be considered according to the regular wedding policy.”
• “This congregation follows an older tradition in Lutheran churches: Each couple is asked to secure the legal marriage from government officials. This congregation will then participate, according to its policy, by hosting a service of worship recognizing the public exchange of vows and accompany this recognition with prayers, Holy Communion and support for the couple’s life together.”

Pastoral considerations

Congregations and pastors of the synod need to work together to respond to these new questions. It will involve both deep respect for the congregation’s traditions and the desire of some pastors and members to embrace all who desire to make public promises of lifelong fidelity in the context of prayers, song, and the sacrament of Holy Communion. The Bishop and the Synod office will honor the decisions made in congregations. Please be in contact with the Bishop and/or your assistant as your conversations unfold and you discern your responses.

The hardest questions will come when the pastor and the congregation are of differing minds on these matters. As with any call, such differing opinions need to be worked out in conversation and prayer. God bless you and keep you as you as we travel this journey together.